A pair of Minnesota newlyweds got national attention when they actually sent two no-show guests a bill for $75.90: the cost of the meals they didn't eat. As long as we're drafting invoices, here are a few other things newlyweds might consider charging guests for.
Selfie sticks at the ceremony.
Guests, this is not about you. Charge: $5.00 for each aunt you accidentally poke with your photo pole.
Eating an entire tray of cocktail shrimp.
Come on, now. Charge: $10.00, or $20.00 if you double-dipped.
Abusing the wedding hashtag.
You look absolutely wonderful in your wedding finery. #HereCometheHorowitzes only needs one good photo, not five fish-gapes. Charge: the best photo you can get of the bride's surly godparents, posted to your personal Instagram.
Not even trying to make conversation with that couple at the table who nobody knows.
Yes, it's awkward when you're seated next to that neighbor couple who don't know anyone else at the ceremony. That doesn't mean you get to ignore them for the entire dinner, forcing them to talk about their home repairs. Charge: $100.00, to pay for that driveway sealer the couple just concluded that they should apply.
Making a randy toast.
Charge: $2.99 per minute, just like the phone line where you must have learned that language.
Requesting Meat Loaf.
If the newlyweds tell the DJ to tell "Paradise by the Dashboard Light," that's one thing. If you do, that's another. Charge: A reimbursement of whatever the couple tipped the DJ for being so kindly attentive to their guests' wishes.
Catching the bouquet/garter when you're not actually going to be the next one married.
No offense to the groom's 19-year-old niece, but the 28-year-old behind you has a six-year boyfriend who's just been waiting for the perfect moment to pop the big question. Guess this night just got a little less magical. Charge: You have to text the last person you dated with a photo of the bouquet/garter and the caption, "Guess what I just caught...!"
Taking the conga line too far.
Interpret this however you want. Charge: You're not allowed to be eliminated from the limbo competition.
Violating the no-kid rule.
The reason the no-show Minnesota wedding guests gave for missing that family wedding was that they lost their babysitter and they didn't want to violate the no-kid rule. Really, shouldn't the bill have gone to a couple that did violate that rule? Charge: Whatever exorbitant fee babysitters are getting these days.
Crashing the wedding.
How was that chicken a la king? Also, do we know you? Charge: $75.90.